Heinekin, Thai food and transvestite go go bars
Feb 6, 2005
|Well kiddies, sit back and let me tell you of the night that was to be our last in Bangkok.
We caught a river taxi down to the hotel Chris was staying in and had a few beers and a feed at a nice Thai restaurant on Thanon Silom. The night cracked off to a good one given my stomach could actually handle alcohol and they charged Kirsty and I for our drinks only and kindly forgot about the food.
We all headed up the street in eager search of a go go bar as we had heard about some pretty talented ping pong playing, cigarrete smoking girls who could flip your bottle tops off as fast as look at ya.. move over quckdraw..
After knocking down a few glorious pints of guiness and other oddments we moved down the street looking for our perfect place. There is nothing like walking through a market place and guys come up to you with diagrams showing exactly what the girls in thier club can do with various animals and other stray objects. I think I found out where airplane safety cartoonist get thier extra cash from.
We got suckered. After saying that we would pay no more than 100 baht each we went into a club and were politely informed we would had to pay 300 baht each. Then some thing came up and started massaging my shoulder. I pissed her off and she asked me for a tip. It is like the nude begging olympics I swear.
Some girl gave Chris a bit of a hows ya father and then waxed lyrical about him being abigman etc. You would have thought that johnny Holmes had just strolled in. Then when she had the nerve to ask for a tip I knew it was all a fallacy and our adult movie conglomerate was going to fail at this moment on.
After watching a talented young lady (i use the term loosely) use her labia minor and majora to crack open a few bottles of Beer Chang we then had the pleasure of being asked for more tips because the moon had passed the first quadrant of the earth forty years ago. You get my drift.
We hightailed it out of there laughing and carrying on and me swearing I was going to bash 500 baht out of the tout who took us there.
We went to our first girly bar and the night started getting really good.
I must point out that Kirsty was matching us guys in the drinking stakes. She was chugging down Hienekens by this stage at the same pace as us.
Whilst watching the girls dance around Chris explained the girly bar routine like a seasoned pro. Apparently you stare at one and when she gets keen you then stare at another and watch with anticipation of the fight that could be brewing.
Maybe Chris got lost whilst laying down the old wisdom because no sooner did he look around than a small Thai lady was trying to merge her physique with his.
Just then a lady of about 75 years walks in the front door with a handful of cigarretes. She then proceeds to bless them at the alter, walk over and try and grab both me and chris on the old fella. I am serious. Her hand was like an epileptic hungry hippo.
We walked out and went to the next bar.
Chris had said earlier on in the night that a bar we went to walk in had too much sausage. We think we know where the girls with sausage ended up.
After sitting down and ordering a few beers we were swamped by carlotta's fabulous five all strangling for a bit of Chris. or so we thought.
Chris and I asked the girl who was casually playing with herself next to us to give Kirsty a lap dance and then proceeded to piss ourselves laughing when the job was done. Kirsty was so impressed she pulled 20 baht out of her bra strap and put it in her underwear with a delicate snap.
Then it happened. Like a scene out of a B grade horror movie.
It appeared. IT APPEARED.
Looking like a cheap budget prop for the Thailand version of Jurrassic Park this thing had all the quality features of a prehistoric T REX. The teeth, the figure and the hunched over stroll.
After asking Kirtsy what side of the fence she played dolls on, IT then proceeded to tell her that it still had an 'operational' undercarriage and would be happy to demonstrate it to Kirsty or with Kirsty. For a small fee of course.
We next went to another bar acroos the road where Kirsty under the influencoe of our friend heinekin got up amongst the girls and did a dance of her own. Very nice, I was cheering and all the other western guys were laughing. After flashin her purple underwear she realised I was not going to tip her and decided to drown more of the amber nectar.
Well we all left and headed home. Last we saw Chris he was walking of down Thanon Silom thinking of shattered movie dreams and why he had never, ever, been to Laos. :-)
We are chilling out on Ko Chang (Thanks Johnno)
$10 a night for a thatched bungalow right on the water